CSI: Bosworth

I have been to a talk entitled "Killed the boar, shaved his head - the violent death of King Richard III" by Bob Woosnam-Savage, Curator of European Edged Weapons at the Royal Armouries. The lecture, lavishly illustrated by Graham Turner paintings as well as photographs, was by way of a fund raiser for Otley Courthouse (Savage is a local resident), but even so I was astonished to see around two hundred people turn out on a very cold and snowy evening. Less surprisingly I was easily in the lower quartile of the age range.

Savage didn't present any new theories (although I was intrigued by his suggestion that it was the dog that killed the princes in the tower), but did give a clear - and very graphic - account of Richard's wounds. He then outlined what he described as the team suggestion as to how events unfolded; having himself became involved after the discovery of the body with the specific task of interpreting the wounds with regard to type of weapon, direction of attack, sequence of events etc. He was particularly keen to stress the sheer unlikeliness of the whole thing. The survival of the grave, the synchronicity of both its discovery and that of the true site of the battlefield, the discovery of DNA and development of techniques for matching it, the identifying of descendants of Richard's sister through the female line before the line died out: any of these on their own were improbable - all together and one is getting close to being able to power the infinite improbability drive.

Zaphod Beeblebrox - long time Ricardian

The gist of the team theory is that Richard charged with his household of around 300 well armoured men in a planned charge, got caught up in boggy ground and unhorsed (no French mercenary pikemen involved) where he was surrounded and beaten down to his knees, his helmet torn off and then he was finished off by the halberd of a Welsh foot soldier. There is naturally a book coming out in a couple of months - just after the re-internment, to which I have unaccountably not yet been invited - and so you can all check my version against the official line at your leisure.

One point of particular interest to me as a wargamer was when he discussed his involvement in the Channel 4 documentary featuring Dominic Smee. Smee has the same type and degree of scoliosis as Richard and was trained to ride and fight in armour to see how the condition might have affected the king. The documentary is well worth watching and is available online so I won't repeat any of it. However, Savage covered some aspects that didn't make the final cut, or at least if they did I've forgotten them. In particular he said that based on measurements of the newly discovered battlefield and on the team view of what happened when Richard was unhorsed, that the charge would have taken four minutes and from the point it was halted to Richard's death would have been a further two minutes. I find that a fascinatingly and poignantly short time.

The Simpletons

The audience asked a number of questions afterwards, most of them complete nonsense. Just to give a flavour, the first asked about the size of the penis on Richard's heraldic emblem of the boar. [As an aside, if anyone can identify the relevance the above - somewhat obscure - picture then there is absolutely no prize whatsoever, but you will be have the pleasure of knowing that you are as pretentious as me.] The whole thing deteriorated to such an extent that the organiser stepped in and stopped it when Savage himself, having squeezed the last bit of fun out of talking about bollock daggers, launched into a bit of a rant about the historian Mary Beard.

Bloody Barons

Weeks ago now I set up Tewkesbury in the wargaming annexe based on the scenario in the Bloody Barons rule book with the intention of running through it solo. I then discovered that I didn't have enough figures and painted up quite a lot more. I then discovered that I had miscounted and still didn't have enough figures and painted some more. By then it was fast approaching Christmas and we had finished the run through of Marignano so it was decided to play it through as our first game of the New Year. And that, as a result of my second short notice trip to the South Coast, was yesterday; or possibly the day before depending on when I get round to posting this.

Probably the most notable feature of the night was the sheer incompetence of the umpire. I spent so much time getting to grips with the command and control aspects that, as became painfully apparent, I had only the sketchiest grasp of the combat rules, let alone those for morale. We gradually noticed elements on the Quick Play Sheet that we didn't seem to be using and so the complexity level deepened as the battle unfolded. On balance I would not recommend this as an approach.

Any review of the rules by me would therefore be of even less use than usual. What I would say is that that there seems to be an awful lot of dice rolling involved. However, another game - playing properly from the beginning - would be needed before any even vaguely sensible conclusions could be formed.

Quartermaster General

My mention of having played and enjoyed Quartermaster General prompted some interest so I thought that I would expand on it a bit. Demonstrating the degree to which I have my finger on the pulse, I had never heard of the game before arriving in the pub on Monday evening (le Bois d'If, same as every Monday) when a fellow gamer mentioned it. Entirely by chance we found ourselves with exactly six players at a suitable time in the evening and so it hit the table. That encapsulates my main reservation with the game and why I probably won't buy it myself; to play it properly one needs exactly six people.

In order to get everyone to play it we had to overcome the reservations of one of the two women present, who expressed a disdain for wargames. I reminded her of the time we had played Manhattan Project and she had to admit to happily launching bombing raids on her competitors as part of that game (as an aside, on that occasion I won by eschewing the conflict part and sticking to the accountancy); she was also, I think, swayed by QG's co-operative aspects. It's a team game rather than strictly co-operative, with players representing the UK, US and Soviet Union facing off against those taking the part of Germany, Italy and Japan. Turn order is fixed with the Germans starting it and the US being last to join in; so far so realistic. My own dislike of co-operative games is really of those where everyone has the same information, because I find that most players simply end up as being the stooges of the most forceful personality. In this game teams can discuss things, but don't know what is in each other's hands and in any event anything they say can obviously be overheard by the other team, so such conversation tends to be limited.

I have now gone back and read a few reviews of Quartermaster General and most complaints seem to be that one's actions are restricted by the cards currently in one's hand - in particular that one often can't attack when one feels like it - and that on occasions one's turn simply consists of playing a card that will come in handy later on. Now there is no doubt that conflict resolution is perfunctory, not even reaching the levels of complexity seen in Diplomacy, but I found this constraint worked well. The Allies would like to have opened a second front in 1943, but weren't ready so they couldn't; once again so far so realistic. As the name might suggest the game is in large part about supply and about economic warfare. The US have the material, the USSR has the men and the UK has geographic reach through its empire; the Germans and Japanese have the early initiative and the Italians have, well I never actually discovered what they have.

Anyway, caveated by the fact that I only played it once, I only played one side and I only played about half of the deck (because we had saved the world for democracy by then), I enjoyed it. It's clearly a game about war - with lots of historical reference points - but it's also a game about marshalling resources and prioritising decisions. According to the person who brought it along it has great replayability. I'm not really surprised that the game gets a much higher rating on boardgamegeek than reading the reviews would suggest. But, and it's a big but, you need six people.

We ought to have a different kind of justice

I have been to another gig in aid of the local food bank. This time Little Rach and the Gerry McNeice Band were the entertainment. The latter is well known in Otley, but it was the first time that I had seen the former, who had come across from Manchester to support the cause. She was excellent - albeit tiny - and you should see her if you get the chance.

And if you wondered why no US political leaders bothered to attend last Sunday's march in Paris, well Robb Johnson's song from 2001 has a suggestion.

Shouting in a bucket blues

I have continued my tour of out of season seaside resorts with a trip to Brighton. Despite the flooding that at one point looked likely to prevent my returning home I will categorically state that Brighton is better than Bournemouth whatever the meteorological conditions. In any event I actually stayed in a pub in a small village in the downs, all wooden beams and open fires; very nice. And then immediately on my return I had to get on a train to London. For those unfamiliar with the geography of the UK just  take my word that Brighton to London via Leeds is not the recommended route. 

Boardgaming has resumed for the year. We started with a light card game that I quite enjoyed, but have unaccountably forgotten the name of. It featured a game mechanic called the 'wandering dude' which on its own would have been good enough for me to give it the thumbs up. Second was Last Will, a game which involves getting rid of all one's money. This obviously rubbed me up the wrong way to start with and wasn't helped by my brilliant strategy being stopped in its tracks by my failure to read my cards properly. Nevertheless I vote this a hit as well.

The highlight of the evening was however Quartermaster General which is, astonishingly and incontrovertibly, a wargame. Now wargames don't get played much at boardgaming meetups for all sorts of reasons: many take far too long, many are two player, they of necessity have a fairly limited range of mechanics etc etc. But last night, finding ourselves with the requisite six people, we re-fought WW2 in an hour and twenty minutes, saving the world quite straightforwardly in the end. I played the US, arsenal of democracy, which must be the easiest role; one just has more of everything than everyone else. It's a card driven game with a map board and pieces representing armies and fleets and moves along very quickly. It's would seem that it would give very different games each time it's played although in keeping with history the Axis probably have to land a knockout blow early if they are to succeed. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would strongly recommend it; providing always of course that one has five - and only five - similarly minded gaming friends.

Which load of nothing just leaves space for some Stone the Crows, with three warnings. Firstly, the song is not that advertised in the post's title (that's by Kevin Ayers anyway); secondly the lyrics are satisfyingly rude; and thirdly the clothes and hairstyles are dreadful - truly the seventies were the decade that fashion forgot.

Hold, Tybalt! Good Mercutio!

"The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury." - Marcus Aurelius

Les yeux

Bleus ou noirs, tous aimés, tous beaux,
Des yeux sans nombre ont vu l'aurore ;
Ils dorment au fond des tombeaux
Et le soleil se lève encore.

Les nuits plus douces que les jours
Ont enchanté des yeux sans nombre ;
Les étoiles brillent toujours
Et les yeux se sont remplis d'ombre.

Oh ! qu'ils aient perdu le regard,
Non, non, cela n'est pas possible !
Ils se sont tournés quelque part
Vers ce qu'on nomme l'invisible ;

Et comme les astres penchants,
Nous quittent, mais au ciel demeurent,
Les prunelles ont leurs couchants,
Mais il n'est pas vrai qu'elles meurent :

Bleus ou noirs, tous aimés, tous beaux,
Ouverts à quelque immense aurore,
De l'autre côté des tombeaux
Les yeux qu'on ferme voient encore.

                                        -  René-François Sully Prudhomme

Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart VC, KBE, CB, CMG, DSO

A short while ago I included in the blog a fictional cover for the equally fictional memoirs of the, well you get the picture, fictional Brigadier Ben Ritchie Hook. The cover was based on that for the actual biography of the very real de Wiart on whom the character of Ritchie Hook was previously based by Evelyn Waugh.

de Wiart is on the far right

I downloaded a copy of de Wiart's autobiography on to my kindle and am about a third of the way through. He is currently in command of an infantry battalion in the trenches and has already lost several body parts, mostly in action against the Mad Mullah. Normally I would wait to review it until I had finished it (hint - it will undoubtedly appeal to all wargaming readers of this blog; Russian spambots and Elkie Brooks' greatest fan perhaps less so), but the BBC website today contains a brief article on the man which I thought I would draw to your attention.

For completeness can I also mention that anyone who hasn't read Waugh's 'Sword of Honour' trilogy in which Ritchie Hook features heavily should also add that to their reading list. If there is a better work of fiction that came out of World War II then I'd like to hear about it (maybe 'Catch-22'?) and it is surely Waugh's masterpiece. The television series starring Daniel Craig overly condensed the story although the BBC radio adaptation of a couple of years ago wasn't at all bad. I've never seen the television version starring well known wargamer Edward Woodward.

Merle!

I haven't been asked by anyone why I haven't chosen a book of the year for last year, but it would have been a good point if they had. I am going to choose 'The Brethren' by Robert Merle (the first book in a saga about French history translated from that language), with a special mention to 'The Iron King' by Maurice Druon (the first book in a saga about French history translated from that language).

Your bloggist ponders French literature

The first of these books is reminiscent of 'The Three Musketeers' and I look forward to the rest of the series being like the subsequent million and a half words leading right through to 'The Man in the Iron Mask'. In any event both are highly recommended. I see that the BBC version of the Musketeers has started again and must catch up with it. I know it bears minimal relation to the books, but I found the first season entertaining enough.

Your bloggist has pondered enough

And sadly the new year brings no relief from the obituary column. We must once again say goodbye to an icon of my youth.

"Well, come on baby....let's wrestle."

TWTYTW

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." - Oscar Levant

Now I promised a review of the year - no I did, honest - and, da dah, this is it.

• Gig of the year: Thea Gilmore (not just for the tango on the street interlude during the fire alarm), with a special mention for Fairport Convention
• Play of the year: 'The Play That Goes Wrong' (absolutely hilarious), with a special mention for 'An August Bank Holiday Lark' 
• Opera of the year: 'La Traviata' (trite, but the only possible choice), with a special mention for 'The Threepenny Opera' (not actually an opera of course)
• Film of the year: 'Gravity' (must confess that I didn't actually see that many)
• Wargame of the year: got to be the opening of the wargaming annexe, with a special mention for James' Seven Years War scenario involving forces arriving from all four sides of the table.
• Boardgame of the year: Sail to India, with a special mention for Castles of Mad King Ludwig
• Event of the year: 'Le Tour de France' coming past my front door, with a special mention for actually having a front door to call my own for the first time in years.

Pot36pouri

"And anyway the snow has covered all your footsteps

And I can follow you no more" 

• I have been to Bournemouth. It was freezing cold and blowing a gale; it was just like being there in mid-summer in fact.
• There was a double dose of boardgaming this week, featuring Ice Flow, Gloom, Istanbul and Castles of Mad King Ludwig. I didn't win the first (a noteworthy event in itself), didn't like the second (not helped by the pub being somewhat, er, gloomy thus making the cards unreadable) and won the last two with - if I say so myself - some nifty play. It was the second time that I have played Istanbul and my previous high opinion of it was confirmed.
• My car has failed its MoT. It's not all bad news though, because it only cost me several hundred pounds to get it fixed sufficiently to pass the retest. Bargain.
• The change of year requires me to review the old year and look forward to the new. I shall start here:

The latent or the lurking

                                               You are now
                                                In London, that great sea, whose ebb and flow
                                               At once is deaf and loud, and on the shore
                                               Vomits its wrecks, and still howls on for more.
                                               Yet in its depth what treasures!

                                                - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Since my last post yesterday I have been to London and back, staying last night very close indeed to where I was born. I am with the seventh Lord Balfour of Burleigh rather than with Dr Johnson with regard to this one.

It's all meat from the same bone

Another one. N'oubliez jamais.

That is of course the late Bobby Keys playing saxophone.

Musée des Beaux Arts

About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along;
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, skating
On a pond at the edge of the wood:
They never forgot
That even the dreadful martyrdom must run its course
Anyhow in a corner, some untidy spot
Where the dogs go on with their doggy life and the torturer's horse
Scratches its innocent behind on a tree.

In Brueghel's Icarus, for instance: how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the ploughman may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the white legs disappearing into the green
Water; and the expensive delicate ship that must have seen
Something amazing, a boy falling out of the sky,
Had somewhere to get to and sailed calmly on.

                                   - W.H. Auden

Earthly novelty is too soon dulled

              According to Brueghel
                                           when Icarus fell
                                           it was spring

                                           a farmer was ploughing
                                           his field
                                           the whole pageantry

                                           of the year was
                                           awake tingling
                                           near

                                           the edge of the sea
                                           concerned 
                                           with itself

                                           sweating in the sun
                                           that melted
                                           the wings’ wax

                                           unsignificantly
                                           off the coast
                                           there was

                                           a splash quite unnoticed
                                           this was
                                           Icarus drowning

                                                     - William Carlos Williams 

And through thick woods one finds a stream astray

Call it a good marriage -
For no one ever questioned
Her warmth, his masculinity,
Their interlocking views;
Except one stray graphologist
Who frowned in speculation
At her h's and her s's,
His p's and w's.

Though few would still subscribe
To the monogamic axiom
That strife below the hip-bones
Need not estrange the heart,
Call it a good marriage:
More drew those two together,
Despite a lack of children,
Than pulled them apart.

Call it a good marriage:
They never fought in public,
They acted circumspectly
And faced the world with pride;
Thus the hazards of their love-bed
Were none of our damned business -
Till as jurymen we sat on
Two deaths by suicide.

          - Robert Graves

More Mostly Marignano

It's been a grim, grim day so, cathartically, let me write about some things that don't matter at all.

The second evening of Marignano fell rather flat with an easy French victory. On reflection it had all been decided during the first night's play with the Swiss missing a move card, not being grizzled (although one shouldn't feel too sorry for them as they were still fierce, stubborn, murderous and swift) and suffering heavily from the artillery. It was sufficiently flat for James not to write it up, but the solo run through of the revised scenario that he is reporting on in his blog looks an improvement.

Other wargaming news is a bit light for various reasons. I have completed a third Roman villa which in line with my usual standards is crap but usable. I bought a pdf download from the Wargame Vault for $2.90. It's supposedly 1/72 scale, but I printed it out a half size and that gives a much more suitable footprint, especially as I shall be aiming to have perhaps five on the table. They do other villa styles, but being careful with money I shall probably just build another couple of the same ones.

Boardgaming included Abluxxen, Castles of Mad King Ludwig, Mush!Mush!, and Skull & Roses. Abluxxen, or Linko as it also seems to be known, was rather good and I was rather bad at it, thereby placing it in a large set of such games. Mush!Mush!, or Snow Tails 2 as it also seems to be known, hadn't been on the table for quite a while, but seemed to go down well. One of the reasons I took it along was because I thought it would appeal to the younger demographic that sometimes attends and I was right. I also won the race, coming from behind on the final straight with judicious use of my bonus dice.

Une Amende Honorable

I have used this nominally wargaming blog recently to draw attention to the shortcomings of the US judicial system when dealing with institutional violence against black people. In light of the verdict in the Jimmy Mubenga trial, and even more so in view of this morning's revelations about evidence that the jury were not permitted to hear due to a ruling of the judge, I have to hold my hands up and acknowledge that this has been a case of the pot calling the kettle - well you know. The UK is, in this respect, clearly every bit as bad as the US.

It's true that life goes on regardless - I was wargaming last night myself - but events such as those in Australia and Pakistan (and all over the world if we're honest with ourselves) cast a long shadow. I know that I'm seven days early for this, but my own pie-in-the-sky Christmas wish is peace for all.

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality." - Dr Martin Luther King Jr

A post of no interest to anyone else - no change there then

Brentford 3 Blackburn Rovers 1 - you have no idea how much that scoreline makes me smile. 

Gary Blissett - he wasn't playing yesterday

These bats are bred for one purpose...

I have seen The Hobbit: Battle of The Five Armies, a title that somewhat misleads as the fifth army hasn't even arrived before it's all over for them courtesy of some oversized animals. Such large beasts ('bred for one purpose') appear a lot in this film. Should you ever have harboured the ambition to see Billy Connolly riding a pig then your dreams have come true. My hearing isn't the best and even with my hearing aid turned to the appropriate setting he appeared to be playing a sweary, dwarf lord called 'Dave'; one part of that description isn't particularly surprising. In any event, cue Black Sabbath:

The film is, as you would expect, complete tosh, but is very entertaining. The dragon in full destructive action is most impressive. However, I can't help feeling that the whole series of films is simply the various scenes from the Lord of the Rings trilogy reassembled in a different order with different characters. Good fun though. One word of advice: revisit the previous two episodes prior to going; no recap is provided and I was completely lost until I remembered that it doesn't actually matter that much.

Mostly Marignano

James has explained the Marignano game on his blog (which I am assuming you read - and if you don't then certainly should) and last night it got under way. Peter took the thankless task of attacking as the Swiss against the dug-in French troops of James and me. It was a playtest of the scenario and one must reserve judgement until we are finished, probably in early January. However at this early stage I would suggest that the Swiss chance depends on making good use of their march cards and rallying back UI at a steady pace. Turn one ended on a double with one Swiss march card unturned; that might prove costly. One question for the playtest is how many captains the Swiss need for their pike blocks. Whatever is decided the exisitng commanders on either side have not performed well so far. The commander of the attacking forlorn hope declined to cross the earthworks with his valiant halberdiers - subsequently destroyed by counter-attacking French pikemen -  and the commander of the French light cavalry screen left his men abruptly to pay a visit to the king, although a frosty reception saw him sent straight back to the front line. We resume next week for turn three.

The right sort of Halberdier commander

I haven't got anywhere with my refight of Tewkesbury. I have painted up eight bases of Levy Bow, two of Levy and one of Retinue Bow (all bases are 40mm square and have four figures on them) only to find that I am still short of Levy Bow. Not only that, but I have completely denuded the enormous pile of unpainted plastic of all suitable figures. I shall paint up some more Retinue Bow and they will have to be demoted for this battle. Also on the painting table are some Roman auxiliary cavalry, plus yet more civilians to provide a bit of colour.

Me at my painting table

 And to finish, some Sam Cooke.

One way or another

There's only been one topic of conversation in Otley for the last few days: the one-way system. (Actually, and before any pedantic interjections, one of the one-way systems; I wouldn't like to give the impression that this is such a small place that it can't boast of two of the things) Anyway, the authorities decided to reverse the direction overnight on Thursday resulting in anarchy with a capital A ("Isn't anarchy with a capital A simply Anarchy" asks the Rhetorical Pedant, who can be kept out no longer. "No." is the reply.) There were some hopes that the mass civil disobedience as the motoring public insisted on driving the wrong way along the roads involved, was a symbol of their determination to not be cowed by The Man, but sadly it was almost certainly just a reflection of the selfishness of everyone when they get behind the wheel and the fact that they can't be bothered to read road signs or - as I witnessed with my own eyes - to obey the raised hand of a police officer. Good job we're not in the US.

In Otley obeying this is optional

Anyway, I braved the chaos with a capital C ("You've done that one!") to head off for some boardgame action. All of which reminds me that I didn't report on last week's games. So, briefly:

• Sheriff of Nottingham - a rather good bluffing game at which I sucked
• Sail to India  - which I think was the first time I'd played where we managed to get the rules right - a very good game
• Boom: Runaway  - impossible to describe or teach, but a quick and clever game
• Family Business  - always brings out the worst in people
• Quantum - which I like; a clever design
• Ticket to Ride: Europe - I'd never played this version before, but did as badly as usual
• Among the Stars - a so-so game which I won by concentrating on the end scoring phase

It's like deja vu all over again

Does music get any better than this?

I'm not sure that it does.

Nice coat Ian.

I look pretty young, but I'm just backdated

I have been to see The Who, which would be another addition to the list of bands that I haven't seen for forty years as I was at one of their iconic Charlton gigs (1), except for the fact that I also saw them about twenty years ago touring Quadrophenia with P.J. Proby and Billy Idol. That last time they were supported by The Stereophonics and they went down the power trio route once again last night, the first set being by a band with possibly the worst name of all time - and I used to play in an outfit called 'Or Is It?' so I know whereof I speak. The Standard Lamps - no, really - were however rather good. I thought I detected elements of Grand Funk Railroad; although it's possible that my pre-gig curry had just been too spicy. What is undeniable is that they did a fine rendition of the Dylan song 'I Shall Be Released'. Whilst the song appeared on 'Music from Big Pink', 'The Basement Tapes', 'Before the Flood' and 'The Last Waltz' - fine versions all - I always associate it with the Tom Robinson Band. Their version was in the support of the claims to innocence of George Ince, famously fitted up by the police for The Barn Restaurant murder. Ince (2), you may remember had the rather unfortunate alibi - which he was understandably reluctant to use in court - that he had been in bed with Charlie Kray's wife at the time.

Anyway, back to The Who and the excellent concert. It was, as you would expect, mainly a run through their greatest hits - excluding My Generation oddly - and none the worse for that. Townshend's guitar playing has lasted the course better than Daltry's singing as they have aged, and the singer looked unhappy at certain points. I'm always intrigued to see what artists from my youth look like today. Daltry has morphed into Stephanie Cole while his colleague looks like nothing so much as John 'Geophysics' Gater of Time Team fame.These two surviving members occupied front of stage, but they were - and I mean this literally - joined in performing a couple of the songs by Keith Moon and John Entwistle - the latter appearing to deliver a lengthy bass solo during 5:15 - notwithstanding the undeniable fact that the other two are both dead. As Dr Johnson said under remarkably similar circumstances 'One is surprised to see it done at all, but frankly bass solos are always a pile of crap'. Pinnacle of the evening was 'Won't Get Fooled Again', but with a back catalogue like that every song is a highlight.

(1) I can't for the life of me remember which one. There are very good reasons - e.g. physical location - why I couldn't have been at either the 1974 or the 1976 concerts, but I definitely attended one of them. My 1970s have now started to mimic the 1960s in that only the fact that I can't remember anything proves that I was there.

(2) Not to be confused with George Davis; the only real similarity being that while both were not guilty neither were innocent.

Sound drums and trumpets!

I have recently been painting a few Romans (and making a really bad model villa and a not much better marching fort) to provide some more variety to the Romans in Britain game. However, I have been assuming that we won't be playing it again for a while and have been wondering what to set up next in the wargaming annexe. A side conversation during last week's Seven Years War bash in the legendary wargames room of James 'Olicanalad' Roach has led to some action.

As you may have seen on his website, James is designing another campaign. Among the mechanisms that he described was a random countdown to define the campaign length, reminding me that various Peter Pig rules use something similar. That led me to re-reading Bloody Barons and that has led to the Wars of the Roses figures hitting the table, at least in the sense of being set-up. Real life has so far prevented any actual dice rolling.

I have gone for Tewkesbury - using the scenario in the book - for a variety of reasons, but mainly because it's relatively well balanced compared to most WotR battles. I've had to bodge the basing of what the rules refer to as Generals and Captains because it doesn't match mine, and to work around a shortage of levy bowmen; the rules are for 15mm and therefore tend to require a lot of figures. Sufficient reinforcements have left the mound of unpainted plastic and joined the workbench and will quite possibly be finished before I get round to playing anyway.

Bloody Barons involves motivation dice rolls a bit reminiscent of Blitzkrieg Commander plus some pretty traditional rolling for hits followed by saving throws. A word of warning though, the rules are really badly written, not so much in the sense of the mechanics being poor, but more in the sense of trying to work out what the hell they are in the first place. If anyone has worked out what the 'Extra arrows' markers are for then please let me know.

An ant on the move does more than a slumbering ox

The Seven Years War game being played at James' reached a conclusion last night, which he has documented here. To my astonishment it was actually quite a close finish, prompting a bit of reflection on how I could have performed that little fraction better. I'd taken the view that as I was probably going to lose anyway I should issue morale challenges at every opportunity in the hope of the dice being with me. Maybe if I'd been more discriminating and shepherded my morale chips, I could have just edged it? We shall never know; the question is, - how can I put this? - rhetorical. One other thought, there were perhaps eight cavalry melees of which I won one. If I had won four out of eight I'd probably have won overall. Excellent game though, and I still prefer the dominoes to D20s.

In other wargaming news, I continue to paint at an excruciatingly slow pace, which might be acceptable if I was also painting to a reasonable standard. I have completed yet more Roman civilians, including a road building crew and an ox cart, plus a whole four Roman auxiliary cavalry. I've also been working on a scratch-built Roman marching fort to sit on the edge of the table and act as the source of reinforcements in the 'Romans in Britain' rip-off of 'Pony Wars'. I've adopted a prefabrication technique that, on the plus side, has led to relatively quick assembly, but on the down side has led to some parts not being quite as perpendicular as one would wish. Still, in the glorious traditions of wargaming at Casa Epictetus, it will do.

There has been the usual boardgaming, this week featuring Doodle City, Castles of Mad King Ludwig and Hanabi. I can only describe the first by saying that it did my head in. Following half an hour or so of rolling dice and marking up my pad (it's a sort of turbo-charged Beetle Drive), the only thing of which I am certain is that we were all playing by different rules. The second game is one that I have played and enjoyed before and my pleasure this time was heightened by the fact that I won quite handily. The last is a rare creature indeed: a co-operative game that I liked and would play again.

Land of the Free?

Democracy will not come
Today, this year
Nor ever
Through compromise and fear.

I have as much right
As the other fellow has
To stand
On my two feet
And own the land.

I tire so of hearing people say,
Let things take their course.
Tomorrow is another day.
I do not need my freedom when I'm dead.
I cannot live on tomorrow's bread.

Freedom
Is a strong seed
Planted
In a great need.

I live here, too.
I want freedom
Just as you. 

     - Langston Hughes

Eight pints and a curry for two quid

Not long ago this blog embarked on a series - admittedly so far rather short - on the great bridges of Wharfedale and the Washburn Valley. It seems that we are now similarly engaged in reviewing the great curry houses of Morley Street in Bradford, because just a couple of weeks after visiting the International I have been to the Kashmir. Neither of these were in any sense unknown to me although the feeling of being sober as I entered certainly was. The Kash has changed very little: new features amounted to a flat screen tv and computerised till (them) and a kindle (me) plus, disconcertingly, it is now b-y-o and people were sitting there with bottles of red wine and cans of Polish lager. I am pleased to report that I only drank from the jug of water kindly provided. Unlike at the International, the Kash's menu is still the same and so keema madras and three chapattis was consumed for the extortionate cost of £5.

Going to the Kash always (a strange word seeing that I haven't been there for forty years) reminds me of Diddy David Hamilton, although that's a dull story, unlike the sort-of-related one about the labrador (or possibly golden retriever - the details have faded somewhat due to the passage of time); in any event I haven't got time for either. I merely bring it up because the only other occasion  that I saw the chap in the flesh as it were, he was playing for Fulham in a testimonial at Griffin Park; I think for Jackie Graham, although that's even less relevant. The actual point of all this is to note the fine 2-1 victory of the Bees over Fulham last night. It was Brentford's 125th anniversary last month and a survey of fans rated the 4-0 win over Fulham in the penultimate match of the 1991-92 title winning season as the best ever match. I was there.

So, why was I walking the mean streets of Bradford again so soon? ["Exactly how mean are those streets?" enquires the Rhetorical Pedant "Isn't the city centre of Bradford actually rather nice these days, especially the lake and fountains at City Park?"] Well, I have been to see Jools Holland and his Big Band at St George's Hall, which was all rather good. Holland's cheery style of bonhomie isn't to everyone's taste, but he can certainly play the piano and has assembled very talented musicians and guest singers. I've seen Marc Almond sing with them three or four times now and he is always good value. He was educated nearby and always speaks warmly of the bands he saw at the venue. He mentioned Marc Bolan specifically and for the first time I wonder if that's where he got his stage name from. It's all a bit self-referential as his biggest hit and major crowd-pleaser tonight 'Tainted Love' was of course originally recorded by Bolan's girlfriend. The other main singer Ruby Turner was also on top form and the set - which ranged from big band standards through Ray Charles, Big Bill Broonzy and the Supremes to Soft Cell's "Say Hello, Wave Goodbye" - was a great success.

The evening of nostalgia is heightened by my own memories of being a bouncer at a Squeeze concert at St Georges back in the seventies when Holland was still playing with them and they were supporting Eddie and the Hot Rods.

"Cos you look just like a commie and you might just be a member".

Pot35pouri

Life has become rather complex at the Casa Epictetus, as it does sometimes when I get carried away. However, there has been a certain amount of reportable action including the next installment of the Seven Years War game chez James. More fun, although my success was as limited as the initiative that I won. The low point was rolling a 1 on a D12 when I was plus 5. Still, it wasn't looking good before we started so it doesn't really look much worse as we enter the home straight.

On the boardgame front I played Evolution and Pastiche, both of which get the thumbs up from me, although I really don't understand the relevance of the name of the latter, and being colour blind doesn't help either.

Now, the clicks on the site go down whenever I mention politics, but as they are bumping along at pretty much zero it doesn't matter a great deal. So, weighing in on the controversy du jour, can I say that anyone draping the England flag from their windows is at best a simpleton and at worst a fascist and that they deserve all the sneering they get. The fact that we're no longer allowed to laugh at these racist thickoes is political correctness gone mad.

Ramblings about nothing

"Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it." - Robert Frost

A process of elimination has revealed that the Roman and Celt civilians that I found in the box and have started to paint are by Newline. A dozen of them have left the painting table for the plastic box in the annexe together with ten Roman Auxiliaries and the really naff villa that I've just built. I have acquired some cavalry for both sides and they will be next up.

An entirely gratuitous - and dreadful - picture

We got half way through a most enjoyable Seven Years War scenario at James' last night where I was the Russians fighting off Prussians attacking from all directions. Unfortunately, this being Piquet, I couldn't turn any infantry move or reload cards and therefore had to do it all with my cavalry. I don't rate my chances much when the remaining Prussian reinforcements arrive, but it has been fun. I say that the game was Piquet, but James and Peter's version is gradually drifting away from the original via Field of Battle towards who knows where. It does seem to work though.

Larry the Lamb

Did you know Shari Lewis was dead? No, neither I nor the Rhetorical Pedant did either. And did you know that if you type 'Shari Lewis' into Google it suggests that what you are really interested in is 'Sharia Law'? Bit of a one-track mind there Mr Google.

The irrelevance of this is that in an effort to beef up my knowledge of ye olde Roman times I have been watching a series fronted by Larry Lamb on Channel 5 entitled something along the lines of "Rome: The First Superpower". Now, I can't remember ever having watched anything on Channel 5 before - for the benefit of colonial readers, this is a terrestrial TV channel in the UK that has been owned for much of its life by a pornographer and whose programmes have generally been even more downmarket than that would suggest - but this is actually rather good.

For a glove puppet, Lamb is a pretty impressive presenter, fully engaged with the subject and asking sensible questions of the experts involved. The last programme I saw was on the subject of Tiberius Gracchus, the Tribune who stood up for the poor against the rich, ["Good God" says you-know-who "That's a second link back to the previous post - you're on fire."] and Lamb also showed himself to have his heart politically in the right place. Good stuff.

Going visiting

I have been somewhat restricted recently by the arrival of a client who not only wanted me to do something, but was prepared to pay for it. Wargaming, the opera, other ways that I pass my time that you don't need to know about, they have all had to take a back seat while I have been on the odd day trip to Aberdeen. So, there is little to report, but unfortunately for readers that isn't going to stop me reporting it.

It doesn't look like this

Firstly, I have done a little more on the Romans in Britain game. I have dug into the pile of plastic and begun painting some more auxiliaries. It turns out that some of the plastic pile is lead - some civilians - not sure which manufacturer - have also been mounted and undercoated. I have also acquired yet more bases - from Warbases - on which to mount everything; next time we play there will be even more Celts on the table. and then there is a new villa. The original game calls for several homesteads and for the settlers to move between them for hoedowns; and so more Roman houses were called for. My original villa is an old card model much bashed about over the years. The new one is a card model that I found for free on the internet. Possibly I printed on card that was too thin, but for what ever reason the new one, despite being new, is even more bashed about that the old one. Still, no-one ever suggested that wargames at my house were about the aesthetics.

In other news, I saw the excellent Becky Mills at a concert in aid of the Otley Food Bank. She did a set of mostly her own stuff plus covers of songs by June Tabor and Hazel O'Connor. There has also been some boardgaming during which I managed to avoid any more dreary worker placement games, but did enjoy the two I played: Castles of Mad King Ludwig and Istanbul.

The wings of a wren

"Break, break, break,

         On thy cold gray stones, O Sea!

And I would that my tongue could utter

         The thoughts that arise in me."

- Tennyson

Sharp-eyed readers of this blog ["Oi" interjects the Rhetorical Pedant "everyone knows that there aren't any readers any more"] will have recognised the title of the previous post as coming from Rosemary Sutcliffe's "Eagle of the Ninth".

The original Pony Wars wargames rules were intended to represent a Hollywood wild west and logic therefore suggests that the Romans in Britain rules derived from them should aim for a similar vibe. However, whereas anyone my age is steeped in cowboy films and their heroes - Wayne, Eastwood, Cooper, Stewart, Ladd etc etc - I don't have anything like the same background in sword and sandals. I've never even seen Gladiator. When discussing the issue Peter suggested "The Eagle", a film based of course on Sutcliffe's book. Now that one I have seen, and didn't really care for what I saw as non-historical sentimentality.

"Get off your horse and drink your milk"

With all that in mind I went, as one does, to a lecture on classical Greek and Roman themes in Star Trek. It was fascinating stuff, the main point being that Roddenberry wasn't employing the themes for their literal meanings, but as commentaries on US society in the 1960s. Now the subtexts of TV Star Trek episodes on civil rights, Vietnam etc are fairly blatant so there wasn't much dissension from the audience. One question was raised however as to the morals trying to be made by big screen treatments of Roman history. Most of these were dismissed by the lecturer as simply being pro-Christian  propaganda, but he did have warm words for one film which is, apparently, a spot-on commentary on the war on terror. Starring Channing Tatum and the bloke who played Billy Elliot, it is of course "The Eagle".

"Tea, Earl Grey, hot"

As the sea breaks against a rock

We have given another try to the Romans In Britain rules. The combat rules had changed a bit based on our previous game, I had written some notes around the various civilians and road users in the game, and I had bought some more bases at Fiasco to tidy things up a bit.

Once again it was an enjoyable evening in which the Romans slaughtered 250 or so Celts for the loss of a couple of dozen men. I think that we can say that the very simple combat rules work OK. On the other hand there weren't enough vehicles and others passing along the road, so that bit didn't work. And the rules regarding the sheep were somewhat fiddly; less is more, less is more.

Centurion Horatius holds the bridge

In the post-match discussion one common theme to emerge was the conviction that the Pony Wars rules (which both Peter and James played with the authors at shows many years ago) were written before large numbers of modern techniques and accessories in wargames were ever thought of. So, having deliberately tried to mimic the original rules as closely as possible - with some success it has to be said - the time has come to completely revisit them, using elements from current practice, while hopefully retaining the spirit. Funnily enough given my liking for games like Piquet and C&C, the cards will be the first to go.

Chimes of Midnight

I have been to the Alhambra to see the Royal Shakespeare Company's Henry IV Parts 1 and 2. The first was the matinee and the second the evening performance. They were both excellent, but it was an awful long time to sit still, even allowing for the two hour break between. I spent said break having a Lamb Bhuna and three chapatis at one of Bradford's famed cheap and cheerful city centre restaurants. For the benefit of my Luxembourg correspondent, it was the International; no significant improvements to report.

Star of the show in every way was Sir Antony Sher as Falstaff. I wondered whilst watching how he had aged up, but a bit of subsequent investigation showed to my astonishment that he is 65. If he's that old then I must be knocking on a bit myself. Who knew? Anyway, where was I? Ahh, yes, Sher's Falstaff. Obviously he's got some great comic writing to play with, but nonetheless he squeezed every last laugh out of it, and at the climactic coronation scene he was also pitch perfect in his note of pathos.

Diseased Nature oftentimes breaks forth
In strange eruptions.

A special mention should also be made of Trevor White whose fiery Hotspur reminded me at least of Billy Idol.