Physics Envy

Like a lot of people I love reading about physics and like most people I struggle to follow what I'm reading; and this despite my first degree having been in Mathematical Sciences which one would have thought would give me some sort of chance. But physics, despite being impenetrable, incomprehensible even, is popular. For example, the magazine in this weekend's Financial Times is dedicated to it and is full of fascinating stuff about supersymmetry, dark energy, multiverses and the rest. I commend it, at least as a bit of background next time you watch 'The Big Bang Theory'.

Anyway, the obvious question is: why can't wargaming mimic physics and attain mainstream popularity whilst retaining its crucial and distinctive feature i.e. the point of it all only being understood by initiates. Many of you will at this point be suggesting that all we need to do is to get governments to spend billions of pounds/euro/dollars on building us the equivalent of the Large Hadron Collider and then all will be well. However, a moment's reflection will reveal the flaw in that proposal, namely that no-one would ever be able to agree on what rules to use.

Higgs, the bosun

No, we must look elsewhere for the answer. We need to find wargaming's equivalent of Professor Brian Cox; someone young, articulate, photogenic and with a twinkle in his eye for the laydeez. Now obviously we can all immediately think of half a dozen suitable candidates from within our own immediate gaming circles. The real problem is in narrowing down this embarrassment of riches. So, I suggest a competition with heats at wargames shows around the country followed by a grand final at, say, Salute where Mr Triples, Mr Colours, Mr Overlord etc face off for the role. I must stress, as Candice Bergen's character says in Miss Congeniality, "this is not a beauty competition, it's a scholarship programme" or at least words to that effect. One of the key elements would be a talent round where contestants display their abilities at skills such as painting, rolling ones, arguing about what constitues a flank and other essential wargaming skills. Don't fret though, there will indeed be a swimwear section. Wargamers parading up and down in Speedos cannot fail to get us the publicity that we crave.

"Hello darling, fancy a skirmish?"

I think all will agree that I have performed my contribution by coming up with the idea. I offer it to the wider wargaming community (there is no charge) to pick it up and run with it. You're welcome.