The Hobbit

I enjoyed it, but to be honest it is basically the same scenes and dialogue from Lord of the Rings shuffled into a different order. There are more hedgehogs in this one though.

Herbie - as not featured in The Hobbit

Do you remember the beat combos of your youth? Whenever they had a hit record they just made another one that was basically the same in the hope that people would buy that as well. Peter Jackson obviously does because that's what he's done. Pick your favourite scene from LotR and there will be a version of it here.

One further thought: why do the baddies fill their armies with Orcs and Goblins when they are so useless at fighting? Oh, and another thought: Barry Humphries is very good, as is Sylvester McCoy.

And, finally, apropos of nothing, I have had my first roast turkey of the season.

Culture

Or at least entertainment. My not-gaming has involved a bit of going out recently. I saw Martin Simpson last week as well as the new film version of Great Expectations and very good they both were.

Then on Monday I went to see June Tabor and the Oyster Band at Leeds Town Hall. What a voice she has. Having said that, both her and John Jones are among the least dynamic and agile front people that I have ever seen. James Brown and Mick Jagger do not bother to eat your hearts out. Tabor favours a sort of shuffling from side to side while slightly stooped, whereas Jones goes for a rigid-armed look reminiscent of a well wrapped up baby in a push-chair. Lovely music though.

Then last night it was off to the Grand for the National Theatre's 'One Man, Two Governors' with Rufus Hound. It was extremely funny. Northern Broadsides did their own version of Goldoni's 'One Servant, Two Masters' a few years ago with Barry Rutter in the title role which was also very good. 'The Man With Two Gaffers' was set in mid 19th century Yorkshire. The NT's version, set in Brighton in 1963, drew more on the Commedia dell'Arte influences and was positively pantomimic including audience 'volunteers' and so on. Obviously Northern Broadsides' version was still very broad though. When Rutter directed Lenny Henry in Othello he also played Brabantio. The review in the Financial Times referred to his overacting in the part. I was tempted to write in and say that if the reviewer thought that was Rutter overacting then he obviously wasn't familiar with his body of work. Still, while NB may have clog-dancing, the NT had a bloke playing the washboard.

Too busy to ask

My readers that is. They're too busy to ask questions or, most days, to read the blog. So what questions would they ask? [Is that a rhetorical question creeping in there? No, it is not; and here's the proof.] They would ask the following about 'Lawrence of Arabia':

Firstly, what about the gay subtext? Where was that it your review? [I am watching these questions sonny.] Well, I'd like to think that I am as sensitive and metrosexual as the next man, but I couldn't see it. The only person that Lawrence is in love with throughout the film is himself. And Omar Sharif as Sherif Ali spends the entire time looking at Lawrence as if the Englishman is completely nuts. And one can readily understand why.

Secondly, and perhaps more pertinently to the espoused subject of this blog (which is wargaming by the way) they would ask whether having rewatched the film makes me want to rush out and start a new period. (For any non-wargamers who have stumbled across this in the belief they were likely to learn something about Stoic philosophy can I just explain that 'starting a new period' is a curse under which all wargamers suffer. The details are not important, but please have sympathy for the afflicted.)

Anyway, no. The film is, I would suggest, resolutely anti-war; one of a number of British films with that message made at around the same time. War in the desert is not portrayed as glorious, but as squalid, nasty, inhuman and, ultimately futile. Many deaths and much suffering happen in what is 'a sideshow of a sideshow' and ultimately everyone involved is sold out by the politicians.

Others may differ, or reasonably ask what sets this apart from every other war in every other place and time. “It is not for me to judge another man's life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.”- Herman Hesse

We can't all be lion tamers

It is this blog's proud boast that it is never knowingly up to date. In that spirit about ten days ago I went to see 'Lawrence of Arabia' at the cinema in celebration of the 50th anniversary of its release. It was, of course, visually magnificent on the big screen.

I'm not entirely sure about the historical accuracy; surely even the British during the Great War wouldn't have employed anyone as obviously bonkers as T.E. Lawrence is made to appear by Bolt, Lean and O'Toole. Would they?

Recon

My readers would, apart from the minor technical issue of there not actually being any, by now have been asking "Where's the report from Recon?". Well unfortunately I didn't go. And I am sad about that because it's the first time in many years that I haven't been and it's always a show that I have thoroughly enjoyed. However, even wargaming philosophers - or the somewhat smaller group of philosophising wargamers - must sometimes defer to an outbreak of real life. And so it was for me on Saturday.

Yet more dressers-up

The Royal Armouries is once again hosting people who like nothing better than to wear fancy-dress, although this lot are, to me anyway, substantially sadder than the comic-book fans. The concourse below my balcony is playing host at the moment to a Darth Vader look-alike (cloak and mask-alike anyway) and a number of those blokes in white armour with ray guns whose proper name escapes me. It does so largely because I have never seen the film - indeed any of the films - and have never had any particular wish to do so.

Having said that, it is surprising how much of the story of the original film at least that I have picked up by osmosis along the way. A few years ago Charles Ross brought his one man Star Wars show to the West Yorkshire Playhouse. I knew that my ex-wife would want to go - unlike me she is a big fan - but I also knew that she wouldn't go alone. So I volunteered to go with her. The show takes about an hour and covers the original trilogy. To my astonishment I followed the first twenty minutes without any problems and even laughed in some of the right places. Sadly, the rest of the show went completely over my head. However, for those who feel the force I would recommend it. Ross, a very good performer, apparently also does a one man Lord of the Rings and I would certainly like to see that.

Not not-gaming

I'm on a roll of gaming, thereby somewhat undermining the raison d'etre of the blog. However, being a stoic (A stoic? Who am I kidding? I am the stoic's stoic) I shall just have to man up and persevere.

I have acquired a copy of 'A Blood-Red Banner: The Alamo' by Victory Point Games (available in the UK from www.boardgameguru.co.uk) and damn fine it is too. Yeehaw etc.

It's a solitaire game and basically one plays the Texians and has to try - and fail - to defend the Alamo from Santa Anna and the Mexicans. The best I have managed so far is a Texian moral victory using the Jim Bowie optional rule. Without that rule it is a series of crushing Mexican wins. However, as what must be a sign of it being a good game, that doesn't make it any less enjoyable. It's quick to set up, different every time and only takes about 20 minutes. What's not to like?

I own a copy of 'Field Commander: Napoleon', but have struggled to get into it. I've no doubt that it's excellent, but it's just so big and takes so much time to set up and play. Until my wargaming mojo fully returns I shall be trying out some more Victory Point titles. 'Zulus on the Ramparts' looks tempting.

Old School

During my absence from these pages I actually took part in a couple of games courtesy of Mark 'Ilkley Old School' Dudley. During my wanderings trying to keep one step ahead of the forces of Babylon I found myself temporarily living just round the corner from him and indeed from Tim and Euan as well; a veritable denseness of wargamers - which I believe to be the appropriate collective noun. Anyway he kindly invited me round. Game 1 was either Charge or the War Game. I know that they are different and I also know from experience that one is quite a bit better than the other, but I'm buggered if I can tell them apart. Or perhaps I'm buggered if I can be bothered to tell them apart.

Game 2 was a run through Lasalle. I think that Mark was keen to try these because he had played and enjoyed Maurice (of which I have a copy, currently languishing along with everything else in the marital home). My memories of the game are a bit vague except that I strongly suspected that we weren't playing properly as it seemed impossible to cause any damage with artillery. Also Mark had a suspiciously pokey unit of Hussars who saw off Tim and I's heavy cavalry remarkably easily.

Why am I back?

Well, the blog had its first reader, the esteemed Conrad Kinch no less, and so I thought 'Why not?'.

I have taken up residence pro tem in Clarence Dock and can see the entrance to the Royal Armouries from where I sit typing this. I haven't set foot inside there since I've been here except to have the odd double espresso in their coffee bar. I have however been into their conference centre, which when I moved in was known as Savile's and now isn't, as part of the abrupt disappearance of the apparently flawed disc-jockey. This is because that's where the Fiasco wargames show is held. My visit there was disappointingly short because I had badly hurt my back a couple of days before, sneezing violently. Sadly this is a true story.

Anyway, I didn't get to see much at the show except to chew the fat with James Roach and Peter Jackson around their ancient galley warfare game. I did get a chance to admire Brian's marvellous scratchbuilt Bismark made from, among other things, cornflake packets. I then spent the afternoon laying on my floor to ease my back pain.

The other notable event held there recently (I discount the European Conference on Bio-Solids which appeared to be about exactly what you imagine when you first see the word Bio-Solids) was a comic book convention at which it seems to have been compulsory to attend in costume. Being old and not down with the kids I didn't recognise most of the characters, but there was a splendid Batman, Joker and Penguin. My early favourite was a very good David Tennant era Doctor Who complete with a Dalek and an Amy Pond stylee assistant. However, they were overshadowed by the arrival of Wonder Woman, who was, how can I put this, a very healthy girl. I was obliged to inspect the details of her costume rather closely. [Note to self - this type of behaviour is how you got into trouble in the first place.]

Return

'There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.' - Nelson Mandela

'It is not......

....what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.'

I just have to keep reminding myself of my own words.

Scripturience

That's the only reason I'm here. Well, that and the fact that it gives me a platform for a bit of ultracrepidariance, which obviously I would be loath to spurn.

City Park

My unfortunate, but justly deserved, banishment has left me with some free time, but no access to the materials necessary for not wargaming. I have therefore been forced to do something else, part of which involved a visit to the new lake in the middle of Bradford. I have to say that I quite liked it. Praise indeed.

I hope to end my period of 'no fixed abode' on Friday when I anticipate making what is already possibly already the world's greatest concentration of wargamers in one small area even, er, greater; at least for a few weeks. Will I will be able to not wargame in such circumstances? Do eminent philosophers keep asking rhetorical questions despite constant requests not to?

Where are you?

Keeping a low profile, that's where. For reasons that are entirely my fault, but with a timing not at all of my doing, I have had to lead a somewhat peripatetic existence since Saturday. I will reveal that I am currently not that far from Valley Parade, but no more than that for the moment.

As I once said "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." and on that basis I shall be attempting to emulate Mizuta Masahide when he in turn said "Since my house burnt down I own a better view of the rising moon"

Or, as my old oppo Euripides used to philosophise down the pub "Forgive son; men are men; they needs must err." 

Shock news

I did some painting. Or, to be more precise, I got out my painting tray and stared at the figures thereon desperately trying to remember what on earth I was doing when I packed it all away earlier in the year. It's all early 18th century; those who have been following this blog will understand that I was persuaded to particpate - in a small way - in a WSS project by a friend of mine. There is no overall plan that I have to stick to because, as I haven't yet explained, I was the only one who ever did anything. The WSS 20mm project, c'est moi.

So, in the finest tradition of all wargamers everywhere, I didn't continue with the part painted stuff. Instead I started something new by preparing, gluing and undercoating a dozen cuirassiers that I got from John Cunningham some months ago. I think that they will be Bavarian: d'Arco's and or Weickel's perhaps.

I now you are all desperate for painting tips, so here you are. I always undercoat in terracotta because if you subsequently miss a bit it doesn't matter so much as if you undercoat in white. You heard it here first.

Granby Halls, Leicester 14th May 1976

I have been reading 'The Rolling Stones 50', a rather large collection of photographs and ephemera celebrating the 50th anniversary of the first Rolling Stones performance. One of the concerts covered is that at the Granby Halls in 1976 which, and I bet you never saw this coming, I didn't attend.

I did have a ticket - I can't recall why it was for the Leicester show, but I do recall getting it via Armers or possibly his mate Diprose - but couldn't go because I was in Bradford Royal Infirmary at the time, due to an altogether unfortunate encounter with a short and dubious woman. (As a slight wargaming related diversion, the chap in the next bed to me had fought at the Battle of Jutland.) I had managed to secure two tickets for the gig; the other was for my old schoolfriend Dave, and on page 260 of the book, top right hand photograph, there he is in the audience.

What a drag it is getting old.

One out of twenty ain't bad

A reader asks: "Why aren't you answering the twenty questions like what everyone else is?".

The bloggist replies: "Well, I'm sure that both you and the other reader have spotted that this is a philosophical blog, and as such only deals in rhetorical questions. Except for the one that you asked just then of course; which we have not only printed, but also answered. And that is what we philosophers refer to as a paradox."

If I needed another reason - i.e. if the previous answer was in any way lacking - I might point out the foolishness of using up all that material in one go. I could make those twenty questions last till Christmas and beyond. However, as I'm feeling kind, I will answer one question: the twentieth.

What upsets you? People who walk without swinging their arms. Shallow, but true.

The WSS (not) revisited

So, you don't ask. If you aren't interested in the WSS - except for sieges - then why do you bother not wargaming it? (Note to self: one last time, if you don't cut out those bloody rhetorical questions then who on earth do you think is going to read this stuff?)

Well, the story starts at Recon in December 2010. I was talking to a wargamer of some substance, let's call him 'M'. He told me that he and another wargamer in good standing, let's call him 'T', were intending to start a new project. Now, for M it would only normally have been a noteworthy conversation if he had told me that he had foresworn all new projects and that from then until the day that he died was only going to play with the toys that he had. What raised this occasion out of the ordinary was his assertion that in accordance with the current straitened economic circumstances the plan was to use 20mm plastic figures. In fact it was to be the War of the Spanish Succession based on the excellent Zvezda Great Northern War range of figures. He, M, was intent on producing a French army, T had decided on the British and they wondered if I - a noted 20mm plastic enthusiast - wanted to join in. As a further inducement in transpired that T could source figures at a discount.

Now then what could I say? (Not to self: look I won't tell you again, stop doing it. Is it big? Is it clever?)

Visually lacking

If there was one thing readers have been complaining about - which as it happens there isn't - it would be the focus on writing rather than pictures. Obviously there is my own portrait at the top; me looking suitably philosophical and stoical as befits one of the major figures of Stoic philosophy. But, that apparently is not enough.

Well, my answer to that is simple "Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly." as I first said many centuries ago. But, as the customer is always right, I show above, apropos of nothing in particular, a Hussite Wagenburg.

'Life....

...is a long preparation for something that never happens.' - W.B.Yeats

And for me the current thing that isn't happening is the War of the Spanish Succession. "Why so?" I hear you ask "A long standing interest of yours perhaps?".

Well no. Actually, until about 18 months ago I knew very little about it and cared less. And now that I have read Duffy, Chandler, Kemp et al I have to say that it still doesn't do much for me. To start with there's the uniforms: dull, dull, dull. Then there's the tactics: even duller. And all those sieges: ahh, actually I quite like the sieges - Vauban, Coehorn, bastions, parallels, zigzags, batteries, scarps and counterscarps . But that just makes it worse because how does one replicate all that engineering on the tabletop? And, if one can't then how frustrating is that? Is it as annoying as a blogger who can't do anything but ask rhetorical questions? Who can say?

I'm Cilla Black from the Radio Ones

One of the key tropes of succesful wargaming blogs is the carefully timed hiatus caused by the real world which tantalisingly leaves the regular readers wanting more. Well, I have had the two bob bits for the last couple of days and have therefore been unable to bring you my penetrating views on the usual stuff in the usual manner. Apologies for that.

Obviously I haven't let my indisposition affect my inability to carry out any wargaming activities and I therefore promise that before too long I will be able to reveal what it is that I am not doing.

What the world needs

Presumably no-one could possibly disagree that what the world needs above all else is another blog about wargaming. But, just for the sake of argument, let's invent someone who takes the opposite view. "Look," he says (I think it needs no explanation as to why even an imaginary person with an opinion about wargaming is a he) "there are loads of blogs on the subject. They are written by people who can write better than you can, who can paint better than you can, who know more about the subject than you do, whose opinions are  worth reading and who actually do some wargaming every now and then."

It's the last point that's the clincher. Yes, there are wargaming blogs, but they are all written by people who actively participate in the hobby. Where are the blogs by the dillettantes? Where is the blog that takes a more, how shall we say, philosophical approach?

Step forward Epictetus.


P.S. And while I'm here can I pass on a red hot tip: there will be no Grand National in 2020 due to a massive hoax perpetrated by an evil race of lizard-men, so don't bother organising a sweepstake at work.