CSI: Bosworth

I have been to a talk entitled "Killed the boar, shaved his head - the violent death of King Richard III" by Bob Woosnam-Savage, Curator of European Edged Weapons at the Royal Armouries. The lecture, lavishly illustrated by Graham Turner paintings as well as photographs, was by way of a fund raiser for Otley Courthouse (Savage is a local resident), but even so I was astonished to see around two hundred people turn out on a very cold and snowy evening. Less surprisingly I was easily in the lower quartile of the age range.

Savage didn't present any new theories (although I was intrigued by his suggestion that it was the dog that killed the princes in the tower), but did give a clear - and very graphic - account of Richard's wounds. He then outlined what he described as the team suggestion as to how events unfolded; having himself became involved after the discovery of the body with the specific task of interpreting the wounds with regard to type of weapon, direction of attack, sequence of events etc. He was particularly keen to stress the sheer unlikeliness of the whole thing. The survival of the grave, the synchronicity of both its discovery and that of the true site of the battlefield, the discovery of DNA and development of techniques for matching it, the identifying of descendants of Richard's sister through the female line before the line died out: any of these on their own were improbable - all together and one is getting close to being able to power the infinite improbability drive.

Zaphod Beeblebrox - long time Ricardian

The gist of the team theory is that Richard charged with his household of around 300 well armoured men in a planned charge, got caught up in boggy ground and unhorsed (no French mercenary pikemen involved) where he was surrounded and beaten down to his knees, his helmet torn off and then he was finished off by the halberd of a Welsh foot soldier. There is naturally a book coming out in a couple of months - just after the re-internment, to which I have unaccountably not yet been invited - and so you can all check my version against the official line at your leisure.

One point of particular interest to me as a wargamer was when he discussed his involvement in the Channel 4 documentary featuring Dominic Smee. Smee has the same type and degree of scoliosis as Richard and was trained to ride and fight in armour to see how the condition might have affected the king. The documentary is well worth watching and is available online so I won't repeat any of it. However, Savage covered some aspects that didn't make the final cut, or at least if they did I've forgotten them. In particular he said that based on measurements of the newly discovered battlefield and on the team view of what happened when Richard was unhorsed, that the charge would have taken four minutes and from the point it was halted to Richard's death would have been a further two minutes. I find that a fascinatingly and poignantly short time.

The Simpletons

The audience asked a number of questions afterwards, most of them complete nonsense. Just to give a flavour, the first asked about the size of the penis on Richard's heraldic emblem of the boar. [As an aside, if anyone can identify the relevance the above - somewhat obscure - picture then there is absolutely no prize whatsoever, but you will be have the pleasure of knowing that you are as pretentious as me.] The whole thing deteriorated to such an extent that the organiser stepped in and stopped it when Savage himself, having squeezed the last bit of fun out of talking about bollock daggers, launched into a bit of a rant about the historian Mary Beard.