Sieges pt 1

I have lots of bits and pieces for fighting late medieval sieges (or to be more specific the assault element of a medieval siege), but sadly have never found any off the shelf rules which would make use of them. Much of the equipment - e.g. the belfry and, of course, the crow - is too big for the lightbox, but a here's small selection of the rest:

You can't besiege anywhere without a chap pushing a wheelbarrow.

And in the unlikely event that the wheelbarrow doesn't work, bring up the ram.

Until it gets destroyed.

At which point we need to try an escalade.

Onwards and upwards.

And we can stay all day

We'll have a break from the lightbox photos - though be warned; they will return - to mark the passing of Julie Felix, as yet another memory of my childhood is gone. She introduced me to an awful lot of good music, both by covering other artist's songs and by inviting some top-notch guests on to her television show.

Those who have been paying any attention at all will have been expecting this one:

And, of course, there's this, to which I still know all the words despite not having heard it for decades:

Medieval boats

We are going to jump forward a thousand years or more, but very much stick to toys that have not only never been out on the table, but probably never will be.

Scenario suggestions would be welcome. I did once have a a vague idea of doing something around the siege of St Michael's Mount during the Wars of the Roses. I believe that something along those lines was done at a show at some point, but I've never been able to track down any photos.

Via Romana

In time I shall get bored with my new toy, but that time is not now.

In my version of Pony Wars the rescuing civilians bit stays the same (I have some dreadful cardboard villas, but they are too big for the lightbox), but the Stagecoach, Pony Express etc are changed slightly. First century Romans had better roads than nineteenth century Americans living in the West and so the board is intended to have a road cutting straight (*) across it. At random intervals something will appear moving down the road, providing a target for the Celts and something that needs to be protected by the Romans.

The exact nature of the passenger, and therefore its victory point total, would also be determined randomly. This could be empty or it could be carrying the Emperor's mother.

As could this, although I'm not sure how far they would manage to carry that thing along a road.

I'm also not sure why this lot are re-surveying a road that's already there. Perhaps they are going to build a fort, which is something I don't currently have.


* Obviously it will be straight; they're Romans!

More civilians

The reason I have all these peripheral figures is for the often mentioned, but rarely played, Roman version of Pony Wars. The group above have also appeared in a 'burn the village' scenario we played using To the Strongest!. I confess that I have no idea what the pair below could be used for.

Perhaps they are on their way to rescue this chap.

Lightbox

I'm sure I am not alone in admiring the Palouse Wargaming Journal not just for the quantity and quality of the newly painted units of which photos are posted, but for the fact that the pictures don't look as if they have been taken on the dining table. For all I know that is exactly where it all takes place, but the use of a lightbox hides all those unsightly crumbs. Consequently I've always intended to get myself one at some point, and frankly this seemed as good a time as any.

This was probably the last unit which I painted

If we waited for me to paint some new stuff before trying it out then we'd be twiddling our thumbs for a long time, so I've set to with whatever happened to be in the boxes closest to hand, which were Romans because that's what was last played in the annexe. Three things become apparent at this point. Firstly, my whole painting technique is aimed at the mass effect on the table, not at being viewed close up. I can't say that bothers me very much; I've genuinely never had a interest in improving things, and beyond adopting a variety of approaches to dipping and washing I've never changed the way I paint. Secondly, I've mostly gone for a gloss finish, because they are toy soldiers not scale models. I think they look OK in the flesh, but they really don't suit being photographed in a lightbox. Thirdly, I seem to have collected an awful lot of stuff with no military value whatsoever, which therefore never gets on the table. Now is a chance to rectify it.

The above amply illustrates all the problems. You can tell the difference between the lack of detail caused by the shiny surface of the figures compared to the matt of the printed mosaic floor. Plus of course, it is not often going to pop up in an army list.

Ditto for this really. Anyway, brace yourself for a stream of poorly painted, incompetently photographed models that don't seem to have much to do with military history. For the record all photos were taken on the dining table.

Roll with it

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh." - George Bernard Shaw

Wargamers will have different ways of occupying themselves at the moment. One of my contacts has ordered in so much booze that one can only assume that he has decided to get and then remain so drunk that he won't notice when he is ill. Peter, on the other hand, has complained that when working from home his employer most unreasonably seems to expect him to actually work rather than paint figures. I myself fully intend at some point to paint something, but haven't quite got round to it yet. Indeed I have come up with a cunning plan to do something hobby related that will fill up my time without being in any way productive; details to follow. 

Peter also commented on the craze in the UK  for panic buying pasta and toilet rolls. As he observantly pointed out, if you only eat the former you are not going to need too much of the latter. If the shelves are empty when you get there then I urge you to recall this poem from your childhood:

In days of old

When knights were bold

And paper wasn't invented

They wiped their arse

On clumps of grass

And rode away contented.

Misao

"From his childhood a man may dream about great cities and glorious battlefields, but the real, decisive battles for the preservation of his being and the realisation of everything concealed instinctively within it, must be fought wherever destiny happens to cast him, in who knows what narrow, nameless space with no splendour or beauty, with no witness or judge." 

- Ivo Andric

No one came and no one went

Here is a song that Eric Burdon wrote more than fifty years ago, whose time has finally come:

Rockin' with the Professor

One of the artists that I would love to have seen live is Professor Longhair. Here he is with a cover of Huey 'Piano' Smith's 'Rockin' Pneumonia', possibly - or possibly not - accompanied by Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown:

2 Chronicles 21:14

Your bloggist is a notorious Billy No-mates, and is therefore as psychologically prepared as anyone for self-isolation. But just to be sure I have put some cultural fuel in the tank to see me through.

Opera: I saw Opera North's excellent new production of Kurt Weill's 'Street Scene'. They have a real flair for musical theatre and for his work in particular. I wish they would revive their production of 'One Touch of Venus'. I also saw OperaUpClose's 'Madam Butterfly'. It was set in modern Japan and the scenery was quite reminiscent of the poor neighbourhood in 'Parasite' if you've seen that. As usual with that company I really enjoyed the small scale and intimacy, but - and it's a big but - they changed the ending. How can you change the ending of Madam Butterfly? I also saw a concert featuring various Baroque works including Purcell's 'The Yorkshire Feast Song', which was apparently commissioned for the annual dinner of the London Society of Yorkshiremen in 1690. Clearly the bastards have been banging on about how wonderful they are for centuries; although now I've written that I don't know why I am in the slightest surprised. Also on the programme was Handel's 'Eternal Source of Light Divine', a setting of the poem by Ambrose Philips. Whilst Philips was no great shakes as a poet, he was the original 'Namby-Pamby'; don't tell me this blog isn't educational.

Theatre: I saw a very fine, very dark version of 'Oliver Twist', by Ramps on the Moon, a company which mixes D/deaf, disabled and able bodied actors in productions which build captioning, sign language and other forms of accessibility right into the fabric of the show (see here for their version of 'The Threepenny Opera' - also, satisfyingly, composed by Weill) . In a way this production was the opposite of colour blind casting, with the actors' deafness being the crucial link that held Fagin's gang together. The Artful Dodger teaching Oliver to sign was as central as teaching him to pick pockets. Bill Sykes is one of the most terrifying characters in literature and drama, and the effect is only heightened by him not speaking. Also up was a really different take on 'Pride and Prejudice' with an all female cast giving us the sweary version that one must assume Jane Austen would have written were it not for all those boring nuances of etiquette in place at the time. I won't write a review (read this one if you're interested),  but it was just brilliant and laugh out loud funny all the way through.

Film: Jane Austen popped up in the cinema as well, with the current take on Emma being well worth watching. I thought that they managed to capture the essence of the characterisations - notably Mr Woodhouse's hypochondria - without reams of exposition. I mentioned it above, but 'Parasite' is obviously rather good, in an Alfred Hitchcock sort of way. Whether it's the best film of the last year or so is less clear. I also caught up with 'Rocketman' and thought it was great. It's fascinating that it and 'Bohemian Rhapsody' tell stories with some similarities of narrative and theme in such different ways.

Let's finish with some music to cheer us up. This is Townes Van Zandt and 'Waiting Around to Die':

Agua que no has de beber, déjala correr

The Battle of Soor is delayed once again, for equine reasons this time. In the meantime other wargaming progress is somewhat slow. There has been no spraying as the weather continues to be poor. You're probably bored with photographs of the River Wharfe misbehaving, so here's the River Aire (for those who don't know, it's the next valley across) at Saltaire yesterday.

It's been a while since my thoughts turned to the Mexican Revolution, but I have treated myself to a couple of books on the subject:

I've already had a brief look at the one on the left. It has rather more detail on bayonet shapes than is strictly speaking necessary for the level of game I favour, but looks like it will be an invaluable resource, not that I need one of course. The author is promising to follow it up with a wargamers guide to the conflict, which will no doubt also be essential for those like me who neither game the period nor have any plans to do so. A full review may follow if the Lord spares me for long enough. If that wasn't sufficient I've downloaded "All Eyes on the Rio Grande", the long lost journal of the (fictional) Lt Col McIvor during the Punitive Expedition, to my kindle. Based on the first couple of chapters he seems more Pooter than Flashman, but I'm sure it will be an entertaining read.

Let us be together tonight

Pot92pouri

The wind has dropped for the first time in weeks and so I've had a stab at spraying the laser cut town walls. They were always going to require two coats, but even allowing for that my technique clearly needs some refining. To start with I should probably place the walls a bit closer together, rather than ending up with a whole load of stone textured newspaper.

Harking back to this previous post about Sandy Denny and the comment subsequently left by Aaron, can I point you to this episode of 'Digging Deep', in which Robert Plant talks about 'Battle of Evermore':

Finally, and for no real reason, here is Tamara de Lempika's painting 'La Belle Rafaela':

Overlord and overwatch

The second night of the Soor game was postponed for the most topical of reasons, but I do have some wargaming to report. As a first stop on my trip to London I went to the Overlord show in Abingdon. Now, you have probably spotted that Abingdon is neither in London, nor anywhere near the route from Leeds to London. Still, what's a bit of a diversion between friends? It was very quiet when we arrived, but that probably wasn't surprising as it was mid-afternoon. I would say it was about the same size as Fiasco: fewer traders perhaps, but more games - and better lighting, although I still didn't take any photos. Shopping on the day was restricted to a plastic kit of a WWI ambulance, although I have subsequently ordered a strip of railway track matting from Tinywargames based on a conversation I had at their stand there.

The next day I spent playing a couple of games with Don, previously outed here as my very first wargames opponent from a lifetime ago. I'm sorry to have to report that he hasn't aged as well as your bloggist, although he still had sufficient of his marbles left to take me through both 'Chain of Command' and a preview of the not yet released 'Infamy, Infamy'. These days Don runs with Rich Clarke's posse and is an expert on Too Fat Lardies rules, which doesn't in any way explain why I won both games, despite never having played either before.

The CoC game in particular was a complete travesty. Having unsurprisingly come off worse in the patrol phase I compounded the error by putting a rifle section (I was playing early war French and defending) in a house that could be, and was, battered by fire from many attackers at once. About the only thing I did right was not to bring all my forces on too soon. Having been seriously outflanked I was considering throwing in the towel when I consecutively threw four sets of double sixes out of five dice and so got four turns in a row and was able to reduce the opposition morale to zero before Don could respond. It didn't bear much resemblance to the games we played as teenagers, except that Don was the Germans and seemed to have substantially better troops and greater firepower; that definitely rang a bell.

Second up was the work-in-progress that is 'Infamy, Infamy', with the development of which Don has been quite involved. I confess to having become a bit confused between the detailed mechanics of CoC and I,I by that point, but I enjoyed it a lot. It seems not dissimilar in some ways to 'Through the Mud and the Blood', although the concept of fervour is a well-thought through differentiation between Romans and barbarians. I shall definitely be buying a copy when it is eventually finished and published. I'm not sure how I won this one; mostly by avoiding fighting the legionaries I think.

So a nice time was had by all. It was actually Don's birthday, but thankfully there was less vomiting than I recall from our birthday celebrations as young men. Many thanks to him and Julie for the hospitality.

Count 'em, Jim

As you will be aware your bloggist is old and getting older. One of the few advantages of this is that maturity means one can more easily avoid the sort of social faux pas likely to cause embarrassment. Or so I thought.

I have been down to that there London - wargaming aspects of the trip will be covered here shortly - and was just entering the head office of a charity with which I am connected. "Hold the door" said a voice behind me. An elderly man appeared next to me and continued "I've had a terrible time getting here by taxi from Kings Cross because of all the roadworks. It's taken forever and cost me £12."

"You don't need to take a taxi from Kings Cross," I admonished him "It's a fifteen minute walk, twenty at most."

"But," my new friend said, with a rather pained expression appearing on his face "I've only got one leg." and a brief, if belated, visual inspection on my part confirmed this to very much be the case.

Not cool, dude, not cool.

Nobody likes a Soor loser

Before you ask  I shall be tagging this game as Seven Years War despite it taking place during the Austrian War of Succession, because it's my blog and I can do what I want. Whichever the war it is, so far, proving to be the basis of a good game. As you will see from that link James has sought to recreate the conditions on the day by stacking everything in the Prussians' favour and then challenging the two commanders to outdo their predecessors.

I was allotted the role of Frederick and decided that the best tactic was to throw everything at the hill, ignoring the town completely because the bad Austrian deck meant that they could never bring the troops on their right wing across in time to do anything about it. The beauty of Piquet, as I have often mentioned here, is that nothing is guaranteed. In the event the Austrians gained most of the initiative, turned their Command Indecision cards at fortunate points and obviously thought to themselves that if The Prussian king didn't want the town then they would have it instead.

So, cue slight change of plan with a couple of infantry units redirected to evict them. The first of the interlopers has been seen off without any problem; the Prussians are unit for unit much better. The other will no doubt follow shortly. On the hill the first wave of infantry was thrown back, but has rallied and the attack will resume. Similarly, despite losing the initial cavalry melee the Prussian are still there. Given a reversion to the mean and something like equal initiative I am confident that history will be recreated.

You will recall that I had first failed to obtain spray paint for the laser cut walls because the couriers couldn't find the house, and then the can I did get was an unsuitable shade. I have now procured the correct item by the primitive method of actually going to a shop in person and checking that what I was buying was what I actually wanted. It will never catch on. No painting has taken place because we are now being hit by Storm Jorge, which although causing too much wind to spray in is a bit of a wimp compared to his forerunners, including the storm with no name of last week. I can't account for the whereabouts of storms Eglantine, Faramir, Gordon Bennett, Horatius Cocles or Itchy. Presumably they blew themselves out in the North Atlantic somewhere.

Pot91pouri

I forgot to mention when posting about 'The Turn of the Screw' that the evening I attended was broadcast live on OperaVision, which was the first time I'd been at any sort of performance being live streamed. Now clearly I know that what makes this all possible are the significant advances in camera technology including the ability to film in low light levels, miniaturisation and remote control, but nevertheless when I first arrived I found myself looking around for something like this:

I used to share a flat with a chap who worked for the BBC and he had lots of stories about David Coleman; and Valerie Singleton; and Basil Brush: all the greats in fact.

In other news, there has been a bit of a delay in making my castle/town wall. I decided that I had made sufficient bits to make it worth spray painting some to see how it turned out. Since that point we have been subject to Storms Ciara and Dennis, bringing strong winds and heavy rain and so rendering spraying - which obviously has to take place outside - impossible.This weekend there was thankfully no storm, despite which there were mysteriously winds just as strong and rain just as heavy. Indeed for the third time in as many weeks there was this:

And this:

Instead of spraying or laser cutting castle walls, I passed the time making myself a Piquet clock, for no better reason than I'd always wanted one and you can't get them anywhere. Piquet being a rather niche game it wouldn't be economic for anyone like Warbases to make them. I am rather pleased with the way it turned out.

It involved me shocking everyone else in the workshop by leaving the laser cutter and moving across to a different bench; in this case the one with the pillar drill, a tool I hadn't used for half a century. Still, there are some things you never forget:

"Pack away now please"

Ghosts, Zombies and Gypsies

“How on the other hand could I make a reference without a new plunge into the hideous obscure?”

- Henry James, The Turn of the Screw

And so to the opera. I have been to see Britten's 'The Turn of the Screw'. I'd seen Opera North's production about ten years ago, but didn't recognise any of it; old age seems to have some benefits. It was appropriately spooky, the music and singing were top rate and it also involved knitting and puppets; so no complaints from me. I should mention the remarkably precocious eleven year-old who played Miles; I should, but I can't because I have mislaid my programme.

Miles of course dies in the end (sorry for the spoiler, but it's an opera so what else did you expect), but doesn't sing afterwards unlike many others - especially sopranos - do. I have also been to see a zombie themed version of 'Don Giovanni' (if you know the plot then you'll realise that it sort of makes sense) in which Il Commendatore did not just sing after dying, but also after his entrails had been ripped from him and eaten by his murderer. So, more realistic than many operas then. 

Finally, I've seen another Mozart piece - 'The Marriage of Figaro'. I previously saw that one while on my post-divorce exile in the upper gallery so it was interesting to see it up close following my return to the expensive seats. It was well worth it, although I can only repeat my previous advice to the composer: lose the fourth act. On this occasion I not only missed my bus, but on top of that the following one was cancelled; thanks for nothing Wolfgang. 

Vale crucesignati

"Today everything exists to end in a photograph." - Susan Sontag

Everything, that is, except James' Crusades figures, because once again he didn't take any and clearly isn't going to post about it in his blog. And, now it's over; we shall be moving on to my favourite - Horse and Musket using Piquet  - and all those waiting to admire the colourful display will have to wait until the next time the Pope decrees that "Deus Vult".

The last of the TtS! games was very good, although the Crusaders won easily in the end. As the Saracen commander I would point to two successive turns where the entire army decided not to do what was asked of them, but that of course is the beauty of the game. A special mention must go to the commander of the left flank, who saw four units in a row destroyed while he was attached and ended up, in Brigadier Ritchie Hook fashion, leading a bunch of Bedouin irregulars. I should also reluctantly acknowledge that James' new out of ammo system appeared to work reasonably well, and did remove a lot of bookkeeping and clutter. 

So, next week a whole new set of rules not to remember properly. 

You don't know what it's like

As with all great media empires, this blog regularly consults its readers as to what they want and expect. One answer comes back much more frequently than all the others: videos of Leonard Cohen singing Bee Gees songs. Your wish is my command:

Another TtS! triumph

Jonathan asked in a comment on yesterday's post why no photos of James' superb Crusades armies. In response I can only offer photos of my badly painted 1st century CE Romans and Ancient Britons. But never mind the figures, take a look at those bases.

Keith, who clearly has never been told that it's rude to point, returned to the annexe after a bit of a gap for a game of TtS!. You may recall that as soon as he got the hang of C&C Napoleonics I switched games. It had been a while since his first game of To the Strongest!, to give me a chance to double the size of the units in order that they filled the squares, as previously discussed on these pages.

When one overlays squares on to the Hexon hexes on my table there are basically two ways of doing it. The first, which was how I had set it up for his last visit, is six rows deep and the other is nine rows deep. The latter is better just from a manoeuvrability perspective and so I switched this time. The net result is that the new warband bases are too big to slide from one square to another without knocking the grid markers out of position. So, joined up thinking in action then.

Keith had largely forgotten how the game worked, but fortunately it's a set of rules that I am completely on top of, so we didn't have any problems. Nor did the Romans, who saw off the onrush of Celts without much trouble. I don't have any decent photos of the massed chariots, although they did account for the only auxiliary infantry unit to be destroyed with an impressive flanking sweep and charge.

Hopefully, we'll schedule another game after a shorter interval than the last. Maybe some terrain features next time as well.

Another TtS! debacle

"When shall we stop this madness?" - The Hospitaller, Kingdom of Heaven

When indeed? For the third week running we completely mangled the rules while using To the Strongest! for the Crusades. It's embarrassing.

It was a pleasant way to spend an evening, although the game was to some extent spoiled, both by our own decisions and by the gods of wargaming. The game was set up to use the rules for ammunition as written, before we started we decided to not bother with any such rules at all, and then after an hour we switched to James' alternative rules. It was a mess. As for the gods, they completely reversed the previous week's luck as far as commanders went - although they left it with the Crusaders - and I basically couldn't miss with ranged fire. The whirling masses of Turcomans evaporated like water in the desert. 

It all looked very good though; too good in some ways. I was seduced by the all black colour scheme of the Hospitallers, assumed that they would sweep all before them, only to find that they kept refusing to act at all before crumbling ignominiously in the face of a few Kurds. Never trust a man in a fancy uniform.

Crystal mountain

"It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves." - George Mallory

I continue to play boardgames from time to time, but seem to have got out of the habit of writing about them. I certainly haven't come across any that cry out to be recommended to wargamers, but it's also because I only ever seem to play games once, which isn't enough to form a proper opinion. Hard-core boardgamers (which doesn't include me) are obsessed with the cult of the new. They buy games play them two, three, maybe four times and then the games are never seen again. I only play two or three times a month, those I play with tend to game three or four times a week and so everything tends to whoosh past me in a blur. 

However, I do feel the need to mention 'Mountaineers', if for no other reason than because I love a 3D game. Unsurprisingly given that it's made out of cardboard, the thing isn't that stable, especially when you try to push the little plastic climbers in to the holes. The game's owner - that's him in the picture - has come up with a variety of designs for stabilising it; indeed you can just see some aluminium corners which he has fabricated and which, it has to be said, don't work at all. I may be the classic man with a hammer who sees every problem as a nail, but I can feel some laser cutting coming on. Is the game worth it? Probably not; we are doing it because it's there.

I must also mention another addition to my portfolio of one player games. 'Crystallo' is a tile laying, pattern matching game which requires a large amount of table space to play. It's very well designed and produced, but not the sort of thing I am likely to be any good at. The theme is rescuing magic animals and slaying dragons, with a sort of quest overlaid on it. I have so far risen to the level of Impoverished Commoner, which seems about right.

At the end of the day

I have been to see Fairport Convention on their wintour, which has been so regular an occurrence over the last few years that it's almost not worth mentioning. Just for the record I didn't go last year. It was much as always, that is to say excellent, although they do look like they are getting old; perhaps I should pass on to them my secret recipe for never looking any older.

You would never believe that I'm in my sixties

They performed a number of songs from their latest CD 'Shuffle and Go', a number from the 'Full House' record, plus inevitably enough a couple from 'Liege and Lief', including of course 'Matty Groves'. I liked the new stuff, although obviously not sufficiently to buy a copy of the album. I was especially taken by a song about Michael Collins (the American astronaut rather than the Irish revolutionary) which songwriter Chris Leslie (the talented multi-instrumentalist rather than the failed centrist politician) introduced by pointing out that those of us of a similar age (*), he was a child of the Apollo era. Still, given the current political developments in Ireland and the upcoming centenary of his assassination, perhaps there would be a market for a companion piece about Mícheál Ó Coileáin as well. 

Coming back to 'Matty Groves', there has been sufficient time since what I shall refer to as 'the events' for me to once more listen to the song with equanimity. Which is just as well, because it was also played by the Sandy Denny Project when I saw them a week or so earlier. I didn't know what to expect from the gig as Ms Denny had a unique and beautiful voice and mere imitation didn't seem a fruitful route to take. I needn't have worried as the six piece band both shared vocals around and gave us their own interpretations of material written by and associated with the late singer rather than carbon copies. Probably the majority of vocals were taken by Sally Barker, who I had seen supporting Fairport in 2017, and she did a good job. However, at the end of the day there was only one Sandy Denny.

* including those of us who don't look it.

Smiteless in Gaza

We replayed the previous week's game, swapping sides and tinkering a little with rules and scenario conditions. We started the evening with a summing up of the rules we had got wrong the previous week, and ended by analysing the rules we had got right the previous week, but had forgotten to play on this occasion; we really need to get a grip. It was a fairly hapless evening all round for me as commander of the Saracens, who were comprehensively bulldozed out of the way by the Crusader convoy. I would be the first to acknowledge any shortcomings in my generalship, but frankly it was just one of those evenings. The real point of wargames is surely to smite one's enemy, and in two hours of play I only achieved two hits; everything else was either missed or saved.

One problem is that TtS! as written is really a get-stuck-in melee game (apparently on the basis that missilery was relatively unimportant in ancient warfare), whilst the Saracens fielded large numbers of horse archers who operated very effectively from a distance. This is not a criticism of TtS!, which is a great game. Indeed, one of its strengths is that it is (exactly as Piquet is) a toolbox game, in which it is relatively simple to tweak things for period specific versions that match one's own view. James' has, naturally enough, come up with some ideas for beefing up the Turcopoles (not a euphemism) and also thinks he can improve on the author's method of limiting ammunition supplies. We shall see.

In other wargames news, the laser cut walls remain unpainted due to a series of unfortunate events. Firstly there were problems with delivery of paint caused by the same couriers who caused no end of trouble when I bought a Remoska just before Christmas. They keep claiming that they can't find the house, but as I live directly on an 'A' road in the middle of a town, that seems implausible. Anyway, other paint has been sourced, but Storm Ciara, currently raging outside, is precluding any spraying. The new stuff looks too light in colour to me anyway. Once again, we shall see.

Ubu

I have been to see 'Kneehigh's Ubu', which is, as it implies on the tin, Kneehigh theatre company's version of Jarry's 'Ubu Roi'. The reason they have revived this rather notorious piece at this particular time is perhaps most easily illustrated by quoting the Wikipedia entry for the original play. The eponymous Ubu, who has taken over the country in a coup spurred on by his ambitious wife, is described as "fat, ugly, vulgar, gluttonous, grandiose, dishonest, stupid, jejune, voracious, greedy, cruel, cowardly and evil". Does that sound like anyone we know?

Katy Owen as Ubu and Mike Shepherd as Mrs Ubu

It was simply brilliant. Described as a 'sing-along satire' it involved maximum audience participation with members invited not just to sing, but even to get up on stage and fight at one point. There was also a keenly fought game of dunk-a-trunk, which looked like good fun; I have made a mental note of the rules and equipment required. Kneehigh's style is much to my taste (see this previous posting on their Tristan & Yseult; and of course the Wise Children company reviewed  glowingly here on a couple of occasions over the last couple of years spawned out of them) and it was equally appreciated by the mainly mid-teen schoolkids amongst who made up most of the audience. Now when I was at school all we ever went to see was Shakespeare.

It is just possible that Alfred Jarry's school focused on the Bard as well because, as you have no doubt already worked out for yourself, the basic structure comes directly from Macbeth, and there are bits of other Shakespeare plays thrown in for luck. Someone even exits pursued by a bear at one point.

The events surrounding the first (and only) performance of the original play are well worth reading about. Amongst those there were W.B. Yeats (whose opinion may have been coloured by the fact that he didn't speak French) and Stéphane Mallarmé, another poet previously quoted in this blog.  Incidentally, Jarry invented the concept of pataphysics; there's a limit to how many times I can post a video of the same song, so let me send you back to here. Whilst this latest production has run for a lot longer, by the time you read this you will have missed the chance to see it. If it's ever revived then don't miss it next time.

Good riddance

This post has been brought to you by Tarquin's Cornish Gin - the gin for the skin you're in. 

Turpe

We turned to the Crusades for a game of To the Strongest! in the week, and most enjoyable it was too. Perhaps inevitably the Crusader wagon train didn't make it across the the table; there was at one point a tempting gap, but I couldn't successfully activate the oxen to head for it before more Saracens arrived. I'm pretty sure we weren't playing the rules entirely correctly, but I suspect you took that as a given by now.

To the Strongest! is also set up in the annexe at the moment. In a burst of laser cutting frenzy I have produced enough (actually somewhat more than enough) warband bases for my new expanded unit sizes. I am a dozen or so warriors short, but that's only one or two per base so we can play without while I paint some more up. What I can't work around is the missing couple of dozen Roman auxiliaries, but they are all on the conveyor belt so just a couple of days and we should be good to go. The massed chariots are looking good even if I say so myself.

The first century AD is the period covered by the imminent release from the Two Fat Lardies, to be called 'Infamy, Infamy'. These were being demonstrated at Vapnartak by one of the play testers. I didn't have time to play a game, but was able to ask a lot of questions and also take a look at the draft, loose-bound version of the rules. They looked OK and I shall be buying a copy when they are eventually published. As Peter and I agreed on the way home, they look like they will address the niche that my going-nowhere Pony Wars mash-up was always intended to, and the included scenarios will hopefully give me a chance to get out on to the table all the non-combatant type figures and buildings that I've accumulated over the years. For example, the demo game included this:

I'm afraid that I shan't be making one, but it reminded me of happy, and very much missed, times past.

Another commemorative stamp

"The woe's to come, the children yet unborn

shall feel this day as sharp to them as thorn"  

- Shakespeare, Richard II

Silver hammer man

As I have probably mentioned before, I used to work for Robert Maxwell. Crap as it was at the time, it has had benefits since. Later in my career I became what used to be known as a company doctor. Inevitably the businesses which I joined were all in terrible trouble and full of demoralised staff worried with good cause about their jobs and their pensions. In every case someone would sooner or later ask me "I this the worst company that you've ever worked for?". I was then able to reply quite honestly that no it wasn't, because I had worked for Robert Maxwell. I never saw anyone do anything but nod their head understandingly at that point.

Six degrees of separation can take you a long way

What is the relevance of this to a wargaming blog? Well, assuming the Lord spares me, I intend to play wargames for many years yet, and some of them probably won't be any good. But when considering their rank in the list of all time crap games I shall always be able to say to myself "I played Sidi Rezegh", and then things won't seem so bad any more.

Despite having given several years of my life to the battle I only discovered last week that Sidi was actually a real chap - that's his tomb above; it also features on the tabletop - and that his name should be pronounced to rhyme with 'league'. After we finished the game (*) James came up with some sensible sounding amendments, especially to the way that the defenders on the escarpment should be treated, but I hope to hell that I never get the chance to test them out. I shall say no more about Blitzkrieg Commander except to observe that there are just too many dice rolled too many times for it ever to appeal to me.

* Hooray!

Wall, wall, wall

"Before I built a wall I'd ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

And to whom I was like to give offence."

- Robert Frost

Work on laser cutting sections of the modular wall continues rather slowly.

You will observe that it goes in a straight line. This is because I have now had three attempts to design a corner piece and none of them have fitted together properly. There doesn't seem to be any entrance either, now I think about it. On the plus side, I have finally got round to ordering the paint now that there is enough bits to be worth spraying.

More 4

Two actuaries are grouse shooting. They see a grouse in the air and they both shoot. The first actuary’s shot is 5 metres wide to the left. The second actuary’s shot is 5 metres wide to the right. The actuaries congratulate each other, because on average they hit it.


So, back to BKC4. The following needs to be read in conjunction with the previous post. Once again our imaginary target is an infantry unit with strength 6 and saving throws are ignored.

In the open attackers need 4,5 or 6 to hit. They therefore expect to kill the unit by rolling twelve dice. For every hit that doesn't kill the unit a dice is re-rolled and the same result (i.e. 4,5 or 6 in this case) on any dice will result in the target being suppressed. They therefore expect to suppress the unit by rolling four dice. There are therefore three suppressions per kill.

In light cover 5 or 6 is required. The equivalent figures are 18 dice, 9 dice and 2:1. In heavy cover, with a 6 required, the figures are 36 dice, 36 dice and 1:1. The progressions are therefore:

Suppress:  4, 9, 36
Kill: 12, 18, 36
Suppressions per kill: 3, 2, 1

So, does it require nine times more firepower to suppress someone in hard cover than someone in the open? Maybe it does. Perhaps the rule designers arrived at that conclusion scientifically following much research and designed a mechanism to deliver the required effect. Or possibly they designed a mechanism that happened to give that result and left it at that. Your money your vote.

Would the ratio of suppressions to kills drop as the target moved into heavier cover? I'm going to come right out and say no; in fact I'm going to assert that the exact opposite would be true. And do you know what, I'm not going to offer any evidence beyond saying that it's bleeding obvious. Now, once again it is possible that after much research the designers have established that I am wrong and have designed the perfect system to deliver the result that they want. On the other hand it is also possible that they have not noticed the arithmetic implications of their design, not understood them, or don't care. Once again you can choose for yourself.

As I said in the previous post, whilst this issue irritates me (and let's be fair I'm a grumpy old man in the first place) it's not that important unless one finds oneself in the fifth circle of hell condemned forever to refight Sidi Rezegh by charging pointlessly at infantry dug in on an escarpment. But overall it does seem to me  that the authors are more interested in the ease of playing the mechanisms contained in their rules than the results which arise from them.

 I will return at some point to the issue raised by Hopalong Freitag as to the size and cause of the intersection between the set of mathematicians and the set of wargamers.

Linear versus exponential in BKC4

I have been asked to expand on my statement yesterday that "the benefits of being in cover increase in an exponential manner while the benefits of better quality or greater quantity are linear". Before I do so, let me clarify a couple of points:

• The sentence in question is constructed using the rhetorical form of antithesis largely for literary effect. It's really only the cover bit that bothers me. Even then it's the least of the reasons that I don't like Blitzkrieg Commander; it got on the list because it features a lot in the Sidi Rezegh scenario.
• I haven't actually read the latest version of the rules. I have read BKC2, but for BKC4 we are relying on James, who is umpiring. If there is some error in the way we are playing then I will be the first to hold my hand up and acknowledge that it's all his fault, although obviously I will not be angry with him, just disappointed.
• I am well versed in the higher mathematics, but clearly can't be arsed to do any heavy number crunching, so have therefore limited myself to first order approximations; specifically I have chosen to ignore the impact of saving throws. Should anyone wish to take me on in the area of probability theory I feel obliged to remind you that my first degree was in Mathematical Sciences and to warn you that in doing so you will be entering a world of pain.
• As a contrast I claim no particular knowledge of Second World War tactics, equipment, combat or anything else battlefield related really; I'm more of a grand strategy sort of guy. Some things don't look right to me - which is why I'm going to mention them - but if you tell me they are OK then I won't argue.

Blitzkrieg Commander is a D6 based game. Units have a number of attack dice and a range, either or both of which may be different for anti-tank and anti-personnel firing. There are slightly different rules for off-table artillery, but they don't change the overall point being made. As the quality of units increases (e.g. better types of tanks) they gain extra dice and/or longer range. Any unit firing within half of its range gains an extra dice. If more than one unit fires at the same target they add the number of dice together. All this is recognisable, perfectly sensible and, I believe, fits being described as linear.

When a unit or more fires on another the dice are rolled. In the open any 4,5 or 6 counts as a hit. If insufficient hits are made to eliminate the target (hits are only cumulative within the firing players turn; they are removed before the owning player's turn begins) then a number of dice equal to the number of hits made is rolled and any 4,5 or 6 causes the target to be suppressed i.e. it can't activate on its next turn. (Suppression markers are not removed until then end of the owning player's turn.) It is, in essence, a game of suppression; make the enemy keep their heads down and then carry out your own objectives. We can see that, in the open, we would expect to suppress a unit once for every four dice rolled against it. Four dice would, on average, result in two hits, and two hits would, on average, result in one suppression.

When in cover two things happen: the to-hit throw required becomes harder and there may be a saving throw (actually armoured vehicles in the open get a saving throw as well). I'm going to ignore saving throws in the calculation because they complicate matters and actually work to skew the thing even more anyway. So in the next type of cover the roll required is a 5 or 6 to hit, and also subsequently to suppress. The same logic as above shows us that we expect to suppress the target for every nine dice rolled against it. In the hardest cover we have to roll a 6 to hit and afterwards to suppress. We therefore expect one suppression for every thirty six dice. It is my contention that the progression 4, 9, 36 is exponential in the everyday sense that the increase is becoming more and more rapid.

It is also my contention that something isn't right. An infantry unit firing at close range at another infantry unit rolls four dice. The target requires six hits to destroy it. So if you get caught in the open you would expect, on average, to get suppressed if the opposing unit activates and fires once and destroyed if it activates and fires three times. If the target is in hard cover then in order to expect to suppress it on the first activation (I use the term 'expect' in the sense of probability theory) you would have to fire at it with nine units. Now, clearly one would anticipate using a larger number of units, but does nine seem right to you? That point is to some extent moot, because the real problem is how many turns you would expect it take you the eliminate the target. The answer is, of course, also one. Having thrown the thirty six dice one would expect six sixes. In other words firing against infantry in hard cover it is as easy to kill them as to make them keep their heads down; or, if you prefer, it is as hard to make infantry in trenches keep their heads down as it is to kill them. Does that make sense?

In reality I am well aware that if you repeated this unlikely 9 vs 1 scenario many times you would on occasion suppress some units without killing them because the other side of the distribution curve contains a whole number of units killed without being first suppressed. To which I reply, so what?